S as in Sista
Who created the designations ?C as in Charlie,? ?S as in Sam? and ?V as in Victor?? Why does every telephonic customer courtesy representative, male or female, use the same masculine names when reciting back your account number or confirmation code? Who decided that letters were boys?
Brothas, Sistas, do your part for feminism! Assert the gender rights of your own credit card and driver?s license letters. Keep this handy list by your phone and re-educate the next voice agent who says, ?F as in Frank.? Who knows, it could catch on!
A as in Aphrodite B as in Bitch C as in Crone D as in Diva E as in Eve F as in Femme G as in G-Spot H as in Hysteria I as in Intuition J as in Jezebel K as in Kali L as in Lesbian M as in Moon N as in Nymph O as in Ova P as in Princess Q as in Queen R as in Round S as in Sista T as in Tiara U as in Uterus V as in Venus W as in Witch X as in Xena Y as in Yin Z as in Zelda
I?m a shy bi but a wife (sigh) I never tried on my size All there was was guys, guys, guys As I browse chick-lit & catch your eyes he sidles round the aisle -- (surprise) -- I?m a blue bird In a red burb A gorgeous Status-quo berg Our flag waves high: red neck white snow blue sky When the towers went down We were outa sight Think it?ll snow tonight? -- I?m an athiest with a twist, I?m saved and on the list I?m a good girl in a good dress on a hard pew so listless Daddy when you whack me I can see down your psyche & I sure don?t want Zeus watchin over me -- I?m a hedonistic wanderlustic blissful anarchist I itch for inner wisdom & a wicked Wal-Mart hit I?ve been organized & corporatized & I sympathize with the necessity to rally and lobby and punch holes in endless stacks of paper but I choose to be unfettered and free uncompromised by ?democracy? -- I?m the goddess Aphrodite I flit but I ain?t flighty I?m smitten attraction ain?t tidy I light your flame with my golden breath I alight into your depth I feel your spark I?ll stick around your beauty maneuvers me to the ground -- I?m a mammal I?m furry I amble Don?t hurry me I?m bashful but also curious My tail is ancient my fury is latent my wings are tender and nascent Let?s skip & scream Let?s roll in the grass & dream Come roam in my psyche Touch everything
Song of Solomon
SONG OF SOLOMON 1. let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth for thy love is better than wine we will be glad and rejoice in thee we will remember thy love better than wine herefore do the virgins love thee thou whom my soul loveth thy cheeks are comely with rows of jewels thy neck with chains of gold a bundle of myrrh is my wellbeloved unto me he shall lie all night betwixt my breasts behold, thou art fair, my love behold, thou art fair thou hast doves? eyes behold, thou art fair my beloved, yea pleasant also our bed is green 2. I sat down under his shadow with great delight and his fruit was sweet to my taste his left hand is under my head and his right hand doth embrace me the voice of my beloved! behold, he cometh leaping upon the mountains skipping upon the hills my beloved is like a roe or a young hart My beloved spake, and said unto me, Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away The fig tree putteth forth her green figs and the vines with the tender grape give a good smell Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away O my dove let me hear thy voice for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely our vines have tender grapes My beloved is mine, and I am his he feedeth among the lillies until the day break 3. By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth I held him and would not let him go Behold his bed Every man hath his sword upon his thigh 4. Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves? eyes within thy locks Thy lips are like a thread of scarlet, and thy speech is comely; thy temples are like a piece of pomegranate within thy locks Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins, that feed upon the lillies Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse! How fair is thy love, my sister, my spouse! how much better is thy love than wine! and the smell of thine ointments than all spices! Thy lips, O my spouse, drop as the honeycomb; honey and milk are under thy tongue Thy plants are an orchard of pomegranates Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south; blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits. 5. My beloved put in his hand by the hole I rose to open to my beloved and my hands dropped with myrrh and my fingers with sweet smelling myrrh I opened to my beloved His cheeks are as a bed of spices, as sweet flowers: His lips like lillies, dropping sweet smelling myrrh His belly is as bright ivory overlaid with sapphires His legs are as pillars of marble, set upon sockets of fine gold: His mouth is most sweet; yea, he is altogether lovely This is my beloved 7. The joints of thy thighs are like jewels Thy navel is like a round goblet, which wanteth not liquor Thy belly is like a heap of wheat set about with lillies Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins How fair and pleasant art thou, O love, for delights! This thy stature is like to a palm tree, and thy breasts to clusters of grapes I am my beloved?s, and his desire is toward me Let us get up early to the vineyards; let us see if the vine flourish, whether the tender grape appear, and the pomegranate bud forth: there will I give thee my loves 8. I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine of the juice of my pomegranate His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me Make haste, my beloved, and be thou like to a roe or to a young hart upon the mountain of spices
THINGS I MISSED OUT ON
Breast milk Teenage drinking Spin the bottle a Cat a Dog a Brother Stringed instruments Pierced ears The ELO concert Ecstasy in college a Lesbian experience Sleeping in on Sunday Staying up late Napping when tired The Twilight Zone Expressing my own opinions Musical improvisation Masturbation Ballet Gymnastics Secular music Private diaries Uncensored phone calls Singing out loud Sports car Transistor radio Saturday Night Live Risque books An alternative view High school math Wandering in the supermarket Cruising the mall Tasty meat Going to the movies Make-out parties Friendship with a boy Love American Style Three?s Company Sunday night Disney Ski trips Grad night The prom Personal space Freedom from guilt Comfort in my body A long bath A slow dance Streaking at the pool party Wearing a bikini Irresponsibility The parents going away Answers Mentors Knowing to enjoy my pretty plump hands
COUNTERPOINT: to be read simultaneously with "Things I Missed Out On"
you lost interest Youth Group too far, too fast Animals that stay in cages Running wild I wish you?d been a boy screechy you?re not a gypsy you don?t have to lead the fashion parade dangerous disgusting wake up, wake up, your sleepyhead, it?s time for Sunday School Nothing good happens after eleven You?re wasting the day it?s weird don?t get your hopes up don?t get your glove muddy wear your panties to bed Dancing is a sin Hoity-toity the jungle beat gives you urges if you write it down it?s meant to be read wash your mouth out with soap lady singers sound like they?re in pain Dodge Dart Swinger! Tell me a story, Aunt Bee Get to bed! March you down to the library God?s word never changes Don?t get smart with me Hold your little sister?s hand Those girls are fast and forward perfectly good leftovers Secular morals You don?t want to be an unwrapped package No dating before 16 Only date Christians It?s filth! Now you?re asking for it You?ll break your leg Don?t give me your lip You?ll have nothing to look forward to You?re being selfish Be sure your sins will find you out I?ll give you something to cry about Wasteful Save yourself for marriage Jesus is watching you! Too suggestive Shave and wash your underarms Not in my house! God is a man Wipe that stuff off your face You?d look pretty if you weren?t hiding in your hair
Loves Me, Loves Me Not
If I come home, and call up to him,
and he comes down --- He loves me. (pull a petal off a flower)
If not, If I go up to him and say hi,
and he turns around -- He loves me. (pull another petal off a flower--repeat with each)
If not, If I brush his shoulder,
and he holds out his arms -- He loves me.
If not, If when we start to talk,
and he says anything of a personal nature to me -- He loves me.
If not, If he touches me anywhere,
in any way -- He loves me.
If not, If I ask him about the food plate,
and he asks to sit by me while I eat -- He loves me.
Well, OK then.
If he walks back upstairs without touching me -- He loves me not! (pull petal off more violently)
If he walks up the stairs, I won't care. (keep pulling petals)
If I can eat his food, I'm fine!
If I don't need to talk about it, I'm a Cool Cookie!
A smart & sassy number, yeah, I'm no drip!
I don't care what the fuck
fucking fuck-heads say about me!
I don't even care to be in love!
This young dad was makin' time with me at the creek,
yeah, I can get it in 10 minutes flat!
Yeah, love is good, but where is it when you need it fast?
If I hear a noise, and it's him upstairs, scraping the chair,
and he's coming down the stairs -- He loves me!
No, it was the dog. He loves me not!
If I eat chocolate I'll feel better.
I'll eat chocolate and love a woman cuz
she'll forgive me for getting fat.
She'll be so nice indeed, that when a jerk is mean to me
she wrap her soft arms round me like a shield
and glare at him,
yeah, that's how it should be!