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S as in Sista

Who created the designations ?C as in Charlie,? ?S as in Sam? and ?V as in Victor?? Why does every telephonic customer courtesy representative, male or female, use the same masculine names when reciting back your account number or confirmation code? Who decided that letters were boys?

Brothas, Sistas, do your part for feminism! Assert the gender rights of your own credit card and driver?s license letters. Keep this handy list by your phone and re-educate the next voice agent who says, ?F as in Frank.? Who knows, it could catch on!

A as in Aphrodite
B as in Bitch
C as in Crone
D as in Diva
E as in Eve
F as in Femme
G as in G-Spot
H as in Hysteria
I as in Intuition
J as in Jezebel
K as in Kali
L as in Lesbian
M as in Moon
N as in Nymph
O as in Ova
P as in Princess
Q as in Queen
R as in Round
S as in Sista
T as in Tiara
U as in Uterus
V as in Venus
W as in Witch
X as in Xena
Y as in Yin
Z as in Zelda


I?m a shy bi
but a wife

I never tried
on my size

All there 
was was
guys, guys, guys

As I browse
& catch
your eyes

he sidles
round the
aisle --


I?m a blue bird
In a red burb

A gorgeous
Status-quo berg

Our flag waves high:
red neck
white snow
blue sky

When the towers went down
We were outa sight
Think it?ll snow tonight?


I?m an athiest
with a twist, 
I?m saved 
and on the list

I?m a good girl
in a good dress
on a hard pew
so listless

Daddy when you 
whack me
I can see down 
your psyche

& I sure don?t 
want Zeus
watchin over me


I?m a hedonistic wanderlustic
blissful anarchist

I itch for inner wisdom
& a wicked Wal-Mart hit

I?ve been 
organized &

& I sympathize 
with the necessity
to rally and lobby 
and punch holes
in endless stacks of paper 

but I choose to be
unfettered and free
by ?democracy?


I?m the goddess 
I flit
but I ain?t flighty

I?m smitten
ain?t tidy

I light your flame
with my golden breath
I alight into your depth

I feel your spark
I?ll stick around
your beauty
maneuvers me
to the ground


I?m a mammal
I?m furry
I amble
Don?t hurry me
I?m bashful 
but also 

My tail is ancient
my fury is latent
my wings are tender
and nascent

Let?s skip
& scream
Let?s roll in the grass
& dream

Come roam 
in my psyche
Touch everything

Song of Solomon


let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth
for thy love is better than wine
we will be glad and rejoice in thee
we will remember thy love better than wine

herefore do the virgins love thee
thou whom my soul loveth

thy cheeks are comely with rows of jewels
thy neck with chains of gold
a bundle of myrrh is my wellbeloved unto me
he shall lie all night betwixt my breasts
behold, thou art fair, my love
behold, thou art fair
thou hast doves? eyes
behold, thou art fair my beloved, yea pleasant
also our bed is green

I sat down under his shadow with great delight
and his fruit was sweet to my taste

his left hand is under my head
and his right hand doth embrace me

the voice of my beloved!
behold, he cometh leaping upon the mountains
skipping upon the hills
my beloved is like a roe or a young hart

My beloved spake, and said unto me,
Rise up, my love, my fair one,
and come away

The fig tree putteth forth her green figs
and the vines with the tender grape give a good smell
Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away

O my dove
let me hear thy voice
for sweet is thy voice,
and thy countenance is comely

our vines have tender grapes

My beloved is mine, and I am his
he feedeth among the lillies
until the day break

By night on my bed 
I sought him whom my soul loveth
I held him and would not let him go

Behold his bed
Every man hath his sword upon his thigh

Behold, thou art fair, my love;
behold, thou art fair; 
thou hast doves? eyes within thy locks

Thy lips are like a thread of scarlet,
and thy speech is comely;
thy temples are like a piece of
pomegranate within thy locks

Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins, 
that feed upon the lillies

Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse!

How fair is thy love, my sister, my spouse!
how much better is thy love than wine!
and the smell of thine ointments than all spices!

Thy lips, O my spouse, drop as the honeycomb;
honey and milk are under thy tongue
Thy plants are an orchard of pomegranates

Awake, O north wind;
and come, thou south;
blow upon my garden, 
that the spices thereof may flow out.
Let my beloved come into his garden,
and eat his pleasant fruits.

My beloved put in his hand by the hole
I rose to open to my beloved
and my hands dropped with myrrh
and my fingers with sweet smelling myrrh
I opened to my beloved

His cheeks are as a bed of spices, 
as sweet flowers:
His lips like lillies, dropping sweet smelling myrrh
His belly is as bright ivory overlaid with sapphires
His legs are as pillars of marble,
set upon sockets of fine gold:

His mouth is most sweet;
yea, he is altogether lovely
This is my beloved

The joints of thy thighs are like jewels

Thy navel is like a round goblet,
which wanteth not liquor
Thy belly is like a heap of wheat 
set about with lillies

Thy two breasts are like two young
roes that are twins

How fair and pleasant art thou,
O love, for delights!

This thy stature is like to a palm tree,
and thy breasts to clusters of grapes

I am my beloved?s,
and his desire is toward me

Let us get up early to the vineyards;
let us see if the vine flourish,
whether the tender grape appear,
and the pomegranate bud forth:
there will I give thee my loves

I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine
of the juice of my pomegranate
His left hand should be under my head,
and his right hand should embrace me

Make haste, my beloved,
and be thou like to a roe or to a young hart
upon the mountain of spices


Breast milk 
Teenage drinking
Spin the bottle

a Cat 
a Dog
a Brother

Stringed instruments
Pierced ears
The ELO concert

Ecstasy in college
a Lesbian experience
Sleeping in on Sunday

Staying up late
Napping when tired
The Twilight Zone

Expressing my own opinions
Musical improvisation

Secular music

Private diaries
Uncensored phone calls
Singing out loud

Sports car
Transistor radio
Saturday Night Live

Risque books
An alternative view
High school math

Wandering in the supermarket
Cruising the mall
Tasty meat

Going to the movies
Make-out parties
Friendship with a boy

Love American Style
Three?s Company
Sunday night Disney

Ski trips
Grad night
The prom

Personal space
Freedom from guilt
Comfort in my body 

A long bath
A slow dance
Streaking at the pool party

Wearing a bikini
The parents going away 

Knowing to enjoy my pretty plump hands

COUNTERPOINT: to be read simultaneously with "Things I Missed Out On"

you lost interest 
Youth Group
too far, too fast

Animals that stay in cages
Running wild
I wish you?d been a boy

you?re not a gypsy
you don?t have to lead the fashion parade

wake up, wake up, your sleepyhead, it?s time for Sunday School

Nothing good happens after eleven
You?re wasting the day
it?s weird

don?t get your hopes up
don?t get your glove muddy
wear your panties to bed

Dancing is a sin
the jungle beat gives you urges

if you write it down it?s meant to be read
wash your mouth out with soap
lady singers sound like they?re in pain

Dodge Dart Swinger!
Tell me a story, Aunt Bee
Get to bed!

March you down to the library
God?s word never changes
Don?t get smart with me

Hold your little sister?s hand
Those girls are fast and forward 
perfectly good leftovers

Secular morals
You don?t want to be an unwrapped package
No dating before 16

Only date Christians
It?s filth!
Now you?re asking for it

You?ll break your leg
Don?t give me your lip
You?ll have nothing to look forward to

You?re being selfish
Be sure your sins will find you out
I?ll give you something to cry about

Save yourself for marriage
Jesus is watching you!

Too suggestive
Shave and wash your underarms
Not in my house!

God is a man
Wipe that stuff off your face
You?d look pretty if you weren?t hiding in your hair

Loves Me, Loves Me Not

If I come home, and call up to him,

and he comes down --- He loves me. (pull a petal off a flower)

If not, If I go up to him and say hi,

and he turns around -- He loves me. (pull another petal off a flower--repeat with each)

If not, If I brush his shoulder,

and he holds out his arms -- He loves me.

If not, If when we start to talk,

and he says anything of a personal nature to me -- He loves me.

If not, If he touches me anywhere,

in any way -- He loves me.

If not, If I ask him about the food plate,

and he asks to sit by me while I eat -- He loves me.

Well, OK then.

If he walks back upstairs without touching me -- He loves me not! (pull petal off more violently)

If he walks up the stairs, I won't care. (keep pulling petals)

If I can eat his food, I'm fine!

If I don't need to talk about it, I'm a Cool Cookie!

A smart & sassy number, yeah, I'm no drip!

I don't care what the fuck

fucking fuck-heads say about me!

I don't even care to be in love!

This young dad was makin' time with me at the creek,

yeah, I can get it in 10 minutes flat!

Yeah, love is good, but where is it when you need it fast?


If I hear a noise, and it's him upstairs, scraping the chair,

and he's coming down the stairs -- He loves me!

No, it was the dog. He loves me not!

If I eat chocolate I'll feel better.

I'll eat chocolate and love a woman cuz

she'll forgive me for getting fat.

She'll be so nice indeed, that when a jerk is mean to me

she wrap her soft arms round me like a shield

and glare at him,

yeah, that's how it should be!

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